


i am fearing it all, stuck inside these walls

by AstrologicalGem



Category: Snowpiercer (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Blood and Injury, F/M, Fake Character Death, Fluff and Angst, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Torture, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:08:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26133217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstrologicalGem/pseuds/AstrologicalGem
Summary: When they hear the news, a shock ripples through the train.Melanie Cavill is dead. Wilford killed her.
Relationships: Melanie Cavill/Bennett Knox
Kudos: 21





	i am fearing it all, stuck inside these walls

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song I'm In Here by Sia!

When they hear the news, a shock ripples through the train. 

Melanie Cavill is dead. Wilford killed her. 

There will be no funeral-there is no body. She is a martyr, her death for the cause of the rebellion. The new head engineer, he dresses the engine in black. Bennett is not ready for this; no one is. He always thought they would die together, that was always their plan. No one goes near her room-to do that would be too heartbreaking to bear. Ruth keeps the Hospitality room dressed in black; first and foremost, they knew her as the Head of Hospitality. It is hell, even for those who had disliked her. 

|||||

She is bad at dying, she thinks. 

Climbing through the vents-again, always the best place for an escape. She just needs to cross the border, get from Big Alice to Snowpiercer and never leave again, never go back to that hell. She unlocks the vents-the last set of them before the border. She can elude the guards, she knows she can, she needs to. She blends in, joins the group of them marching through the border. She looks ragtag enough, to join the ranks of the soldiers. 

They make it through the border. She pulls away, into the shadows, into what used to be the Tail. No one resides there anymore, they were all pushed back when Big Alice connected. She doesn't know where she'll find anyone, the first place she can think of is the Nightcar. She can't run, can barely move her leg as it is, but as long as she can walk, she can find her way there. 

She dodges set after set of guards-she can't be found again or she'll be killed. He will kill her, like he wanted to do for so long. She is running off of fear and adrenaline and hope, hope that she'll see them again. Hope that someone will recognize her for who she is, who she was. 

She doesn't get halfway to the Nightcar before she runs into him. Javier. Her friend, she thinks? She tries to remember, but the blood is rushing through her ears so loudly that she can't even think straight. She can't think, can't even get the words out of her mouth before she collapses.

|||||

Bennett isn't sure what to expect when he hears Melanie is alive. Javi tells him, rushes to get a call to the Engine. She's alive, she collapsed in the Nightcar, she's headed to the infirmary right now. He says that she looks bad, her head was shaved and she was covered in blood and she looked so sick he isn’t sure if she’ll make it. That the Melanie they knew looks so trapped inside of herself that he isn’t sure what’s left.

It is an agonizing 30 minutes before Javi comes back to the helm, and Bennett immediately goes off to find her. He finds Layton along the way, too, having to explain as he goes along.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Melanie’s alive. She’s downtrain, in the infirmary, with Doctor Pelton, Javi told me.”

“That..can’t be possible, she’s dead, we all got the news.”

“Well, apparently, she isn't. She collapsed in the Nightcar. Audrey's with her now.."

They reach the subtrain, Bennett turning to Layton. "Find Ruth, she needs to know. I'll call the Hospitality office as soon as I get to Melanie."

Layton nods, and with that, he's off. It takes another thirty minutes before Bennett gets anywhere near the infirmary car. He rushes out, runs to the car. 

Doctor Pelton is there. "Ah, Mr. Knox. You're here for Miss Cavill?"

He nods. "Where is she, can I see her?"

The doctor nods; takes a step to the side. "She's in bad shape, don't be shocked when you see her. We've already ran some tests..she'll probably be asleep when you see her."

He walks into the room where she is, trying to heed the doctors words.

Melanie's laying in the bed, so peaceful he could say it was almost normal. Almost.

She's a mess of bruises, everywhere from her face to her stomach to her ankles. Her head is shaved, peach fuzz growing where long hair used to be. She's covered by a blanket, though one arm hangs out, covered in bruises. There's a deep cut running across her face, and he doesn't want to think about how the rest of her looks. 

He pulls a chair, sits down, and puts his head in his hands. 

||||||

She sleeps for a few days. Bennett and Javi alternate shifts, each taking twelve hours at the helm per day. Bennett is there when she wakes up. 

It takes all of her strength to keep from screaming-she isn't there, she's with the doctor and Bennett and it's just Bennett holding her hand, she needs to calm down. She needs to breathe, they say, and she isn't sure who they are but it isn't a bad voice, she doesn't feel her insides shake.

Her stomach hurts, she realizes, and she grabs for the trash can by the bed, throwing up any food that she still had in her system-she can't think of the last time she ate, let alone slept. When she stops, she pulls away, trying to grab for a tissue, for something to wipe her mouth. Bennett hands her something, and she takes it, using it before leaning back in the bed. Her whole body is aflame, everything hurting. 

"Pl-please.." The voice that comes out of her mouth is not her own. 

"What do you need, Mel? I can call for the doctor, or for Ruth or Layton or whomever or whatever, what do you need?"

"P-pain.." 

"Ah..Pelton will be back in a few minutes, if you can hold on until then..?"

She nods softly, mumbling under her breath. Pelton comes back, and gives Melanie the medicine she needs. She falls asleep after that, careful to keep the bruises away from anything that might hurt her more. It is a few hours before she wakes again; this time, Pelton is there, and it is easier than it was before.

She looks over, to Bennett. "Ben..?"

"Yeah, Mel, it's me...you're safe, you're back on Snowpiercer..."

"Home...good..." She rests her head on the pillow again, looking around the room. "The hell happened..?"

"You were on Big Alice..we thought you were dead, Mel, they told us you were dead...you ran into Javi in the Nightcar and collapsed, and now you're here. Javi and I have been taking shifts keeping an eye on you..Layton, Audrey, and Ruth have stopped by a few times too..."

"Oh...I don't remember that..."

"You were asleep...you slept for a while."

"Shit, Ben, I'm sorry..."

"Don't be, Mel. You need to rest."

She reaches out her hand to take his, shaking. "Please..?"

He takes her hand, kisses the back of it. "Of course."

They stay like that until Javi comes, switches out with Bennett. She stays there for another day, until she is cleared for a medical release-even then, it's only a release to the Engine. No breachwork, no welding, no nothing other than sitting at the helm and driving the train. 

Melanie complains about this, to an extent, says that she needs to help Layton, that she needs to get rid of Wilford for good. She's never been good at resting, let alone resting when her worst enemy, her worst fear, resides at the other end of the train. She spends her time watching over her Engine Eternal, taking care of her creation. 

She doesn't sleep unless Bennett wrestles her into doing so; to sleep would make her weak, and she cannot afford a moment of weakness now that Wilford is back. Bennett gets her to sleep one night, though, and it is pure hell.

She claws at her skin, at his skin, at anything that she can find. Her nightmares are things from hell, waking up every night screaming. Some days she cries out, asking for it to stop; he never asks what she means by that. He helps her through them in the only way he can-he holds her, stroking her hair. 

Most days, they keep a steady balance. She is silent most of the time, in his leather jackets. He always checks on her, brings her a cup of water. It is a week of that before she breaks. 

She wakes up that night, screaming, begging for it to stop, and he holds her. He rubs her back, rocks her gently. 

"I-I'm sorry.." she chokes out, sobbing into his chest.

"Mel, baby, it's okay.."

"So-so sor-sorry..."

"Shhh, love, shhh..take a deep breath.."

She does, shaking slightly, her breaths shallow.

"Good girl. Take another breath, okay?" He breathes with her, tries to create a sense of calm. They breathe slowly, and she eventually settles, curled up into him.

"Thank you, Ben.." She nestles her head into his chest. 

"Of course, Mel..do you wanna talk about it? You can't just keep everything all pushed down inside..."

"I.." She takes a breath. "I was back in that cell, on Big Alice. And-and he was there, mocking me, telling the guards to beat me, if-if I didn't obey, and they-they had their batons and their knives and I-I just wanted to make it stop...it felt so-so real, like he was just waiting to-to.."

"Melanie...jesus, love, I'm so sorry..."

"They-they made Ruth watch, my Ruthie, they made her watch while he-he did terrible things, my god..."

"Melly.."

"He said he would-would hurt you, I wouldn't let him, Ben, I'm-I'm sorry..."

"Melanie, look at me, baby." He looks her in the eye, and she looks at him, too. "Mel. You don't need to be sorry. I promise, I'm here for you, whatever you need. I love you, Mel."

She snuggles into him. "I love you too..."

The rest of the night is quiet. She stays in his arms, curled up. He rubs her back, whispering sweet words into her ear. 

They won't be normal for some time. There is a new rift, now, but they are together. Together is good enough for them. She loves him, and he loves her, and that is more than they ever could have hoped for.

**Author's Note:**

> Come chat about the show with me on tumblr @onetrainsnowpiercer :)


End file.
